Yunho & Changmin Come Back in 2011; Fans Shit Bricks

“Silly Cassies! Did you really think we’d set aside our differences and come back for you?”

In a sucker minute, SM Entertainment came out with a statement that Dong Bang Shin Ki are coming back in January 2011. Only they don’t have Jaejoong, Micky, and Xiah with them. Instead it’s just Yunho and Max.

They released on the homepage, “2011, TVXQ is returning to you all”, as though that they took a quick hiatus to gain some composure from getting their pants sued off by not just JYJ but Hangeng as well and after losing four million won in a failed attempt at a karaoke business.

Naturally, fans are shitting all over themselves (even after getting comfortable in their BEAST, F.Cuz, or even 2NE1 panties) about the news but as they scroll down further they realize something.

Hey, wait a minute. Only Yunho and Changmin are coming back? Granted, this is good news if you’re a washed up idol fan but fans have been chanting “Keep the faith, our five angels will settle their differences and grace us with our presence (all while throwing shit at their head)!” But of course, Cassies are stupid and they don’t know anything in regarding to ruthlessness of the entertainment industry.

SM Entertainment also released a statement saying:

“After the 3 TVXQ members left, for over a long year, both U-Know Yunho and Choi Kang Changmin have refrained from musical activities.

The two members as well as the company wanted to keep TVXQ alive, thinking about the never changing hearts of our loyal fans who have waited a long time.

As indicated by the ruling, all of TVXQ’s activities need to be done through SM, unfortunately, the three members that left have regretfully not responded to any of our offers for activities as TVXQ. After long and careful consideration, we made this decision.

For U-know Yunho and Choi Kang Changmin, who never left and kept their dreams as TVXQ, we have decided together with the two members to keep TVXQ alive.

No matter what happens, we believed that TVXQ should be continued for the love and trust of the fans who created TVXQ together with us.

We are not ruling out any possibilities in the future. Continuing TVXQ is the best way to repay the fans who love and waited for TVXQ.”

Because financing a goddamn Chinese perfume company against SM’s will is totally keeping the faith, right, Cassies? I don’t think Cassies realize that SM are just catering to their (blind) faith that JYJ will come back. They’ve already have success in Korea, (somewhat) in Japan, and in America. Why fix what’s not broken? Why stop them if it’s working?

Fans may call JYJ money grubbers and entitlement whores but what they don’t realize is that Lee Soo  Man and the other devious masterminds behind SME are already planning which trainees to debut under the second TVXQ name. This is certainly unprecedented but SM are willing to cash on TVXQ while Yunho and Changmin are still walking and somewhat breathing.

I mean, after all, they’ve got to make up their four million won and other fees brought on by the lawsuits. As usual, Korean Beef remains cynical – they’re not going to be the same ever again.

We’re positive that the next announcement in regards of TVXQ’s comeback will be the trainees who suspiciously looks and sounds like JYJ.

“Shocking” News: A Japanese Idol is Racist Against Koreans?

Reina Tanaka, Eri Kamei, and Sayumi Michishige on a typical break from rehearsal.

It’s pretty common and obvious to know that Asians hate each other. Chinese hate Koreans and Japanese. Japanese hates Koreans and Chinese. Koreans hate everyone who isn’t them.

So why was anyone surprised to see that Reina Tanaka, Eri Kamei, and Sayumi Michishige, of Morning Musume. fame, were caught being racist? The above picture was posted on Reina’s blog (which is admirable after her scandal of breathing the same air as another man) with the comments as they slanted their eyes, “Who’s this? A Korean person.”

Mister Kim Swiftly Does Not Care About Tablo.

“FINALLY, FAME, I’M COMING BACK!” – Tablo

Usually when you troll, you tend to get a big ego about being able to get away with, well, trolling. While we’re pretty old school trolls (calling Tablo a douchebag, laughing at him when he’s bawwing about being a real college dropout, I mean, student, etc), we understand there is always a risk of not only getting caught but having to face the serious consequences of our words.

Who knew words were that powerful?

Unfortunately, the administrator of TaJinYo, cleverly nicknamed Whatbecomes, didn’t keep his ego in check and actually challenged the police to come after him and his team of suited up trolls. And, as expected from police whose goal has always been about tracking down Anonymous and bringing them to justice, rose to the challenge and did some cyber investigating. Mostly by Naver – the Korean equivalent to Google.

As expected, the police had found out who he was; he was simply a 57-year old restaurant owner named Kim living in his own basement somewhere in Chicago, and they started the movement to arrest his ass.

Tablo’s Life is Full of Sh–I Mean, Lawsuits.

Tablo rapping about the hardships of being a douchebag.

From our previous post, the people from TaJinYo (“Tablo, We Want the Truth”; now known as the SangJinSe – “A World Where Information Is the Truth”), had submitted information to the United States Copyright Office. As much as people joked and ranted how they were pussies and how could they do such a thing to precious Tablo-oppa, two of the members actually had enough balls to go through with the indictment during the afternoon hours of September 17th.

Tablo’s Life is Full of Trolls (who are not from Korean Beef)

He is also the main character in Sympathy for Mr.Revenge.

For all the insults we’ve hurled, number of times we’ve been banned from his Twitter, to the way we portray him in our fanart and fanfic, we at Korean Beef have never taken it so far as to rally up our own legion of anti-fans and accuse him of never going to high school. Although we do think it’s hilarious as fuck, we do not have the time or willpower to bully such an easy target. In fact, we never bothered reporting it. But did these trolls forget and forgive after this? Did they learn their lesson after Tablo traced their IP addresses?

Korean Beef is Not Dead!

Korean Beef and K-POP are the most beautiful canon.

Rather we are under construction.  The lifestyles of the two writers here have changed drastically since we started this (starpowder without internet access, urbanstereo just being too goddamned busy) and while there was some drama, we have come to terms.  Right now we’re figuring out what to do and how we did some stuff (namely reviews and opinion articles).

In the dark, damp, talentless tunnels of K-pop, Korean Beef will be that light for you to see events as they really are. While other blogs put all idols on pedestals, we will be there to kick them down where they deserve because we are warriors of truth.  K-POP and Korean Beef are BETTER TOGETHER, unlike Jay and Stupidests. While other blogs will censor their content, we will continue to be 100% uncensored and transparent — the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And some grease, because we’re greasy blog writers.

Coming back when we are no longer too lazy and too unmotivated to listen to shitty K-pop music and unremarkable drama.

Epik High Reaches the “Epilogue” of Their Careers

(Pretend Tukutz is not in the above picture.)

A couple of months after releasing the half-hearted “[e]”, Epik High are back — and with a new sound! In Tablo’s twitter, he described Run as the following in his Twitter:

“Run is Epik High’s [version of] pop music. I don’t really care about hip-hop [right now].”

Which leads us to believe the entire album is, well, pop music. It’s admirable to break out from constricting genres, but let’s take a closer look at his statement. Epik High is mainly a hip-hop group, and taking out the hip-hop from a hip-hop group just makes you a group. Of particularly nothing. Further more, if it’s his way of being pretentious by writing shitty pop music, then he’s probably too far up his ass to take seriously anymore if he can sacrifice actual good music for run-of-the-mill Korean pop stuff.

To further beat this album in with a spiky baseball bat, it’d be worth reminding Epik that they’ve been pretty much Korean pop music since Pieces (with “One”), with their poppy style setting in since Lovescream. By breaking out of the old hip-hop mold, they’ve nicely slumped back into a new one.

Guess good music doesn’t sell, huh? But judging by their earlier statements, they should be in it for the music and not the ratings. But let’s stop right there again. Back when they released Fan and Fly, that’s when they were most relevant. By destroying everything they once built up in an attempt to be ironic — and to get better sales for their record company — that means they’ve betrayed the utmost centre of what Epik High stood for.

I could go into all the witty, pretentious meaning that Epik High actually stands for (aside from the obvious pot references), but that’s not what Korean Beef is here for. We’re here to shit all over this release, and we’ll do it well.

Allkrap, meanwhile, decided to leak the entire new album, which sent Tablo into a fit of pretentious fury and tears. With his tears of poetic justice, he told them off by giving them even more free press, acting much like any teenager would. Temper tantruming over illegal uploads only strengthens their stand — but of course, since Korean Beef is the best blog, we’ve decided to give him limited free promotions by not including any song and bashing his entire album.

Of course, we would link it just for Mithra, but we’re sure even Mithra is ashamed of this mess. And at this rate, Tukutz won’t even want to return to Epik High just to see his once fine, urban creation go up in smoke to dime-a-dozen K-pop music.

(special) Tablo is a Douchebag.

They said it couldn’t be done. There was no way that a “Wannabe” celebrity could ever ban a fan or even anti fans on a public forum like Twitter. And then there was us – urbanstereo and I. We used to talk about him over on MSN from his bad rapping, his bad temper, his bad habits, hell, even up to his bad hair.

When MaptheSoul forums first opened on the web, we were part of the first rush of foreign fans to join. We posted there all the time, hoping to catch Mithra’s attention. As soon as the High Shitters started to brag about how Tablo posted in their so-called freestyle thread, that’s when we realized that we could finally insult Tablo – to his face!

For months and days, fans have whined to us, “You wouldn’t act the same way to him if he talked to you!” And sure enough, we did. He either seemed amused by it or ignored the negative press as his fans started to stroke his enormous imaginary e-cock. Urbanstereo and I kept insulting him and we kept voicing out for more Mithra. We tried to find the bear’s whereabouts on the forums but eventually, we got bored and gave up.

Finally, it was released that Epik High got themselves a twitter – mapthesoul. It wasn’t long before Tablo himself got one. After all, he’s the “important” leader. While urbanstereo’s a fan of Tablo herself, I never really cared for him. His attitude had always bothered me. His continuous whining about lack of an iPhone when he could just come to California, buy one there, and go back since apparently he’s building up money for a real life Gundam.

He basically treated his Twitter like it’s the only way to express himself (even though they have blogs on Map the Soul). He also whined about a couple of fans who recognized him in a Korean restaurant somewhere in New York. I wonder why, Tablo. Try eating at Poncho’s some time and see if someone recognizes, or cares, about you.

I was unforunate enough to have him respond to me. Twice. I’ve often asked urbanstereo and other people on why in the world would he answer someone like me – someone who has grown to dislike to really dislike him a lot over the course of his twitter of getting popular. The only answer I got was “Because you don’t suck his dick.” And I will continue to do so.

When urbanstereo’s fake Jaejoong twitter scandal came to a close, she decided to pin the blame on Tablo – which was glorious, I have to say, especially when you see 14 year old Vietnamese Cass telling a grown man what to do. But that’s only assuming Tablo’s a grown man. Either way, those were good times.

The only thing that comes to mind that we did do good for him was when we wrote this beautiful work of fiction for him as a wedding present. We still haven’t had any comment yet from Tablo himself or his Barbie doll wife, but I can imagine it’s printed and hung in the den, next to the family television.

Other than that, we had a good almost-year run with insulting Tablo via Twitter. Granted, we’re still going to do it (especially me) but it won’t be as fun. It won’t be as fun as having that possibility of Tablo reading my tweet to him that he has bad body odor as it would be now. But that’s still not going to stop me from tweeting to him.

Korea Gets Told, Dave Snaps His Fingers

Place your eyes upon the attractive man in the above picture. He’s Korean Beef’s new idol and Tablo’s brother, Supreme D (commonly known as Dave). He recently ranted about Infinity Challenge in NYC which lead into another rant about Koreans who go abroad to learn English and end up making jackasses out of themselves.

All points in his rant are as truthy as Korean Beef’s highest quality posts. How can we say this? We felt the burns which weren’t even meant for us.

Korean Beef gives Supreme D our seal of approval. While we don’t think he should have apologized to a bunch of butthurt, sensitive netizens who don’t understand the concept of “free speech” and “it’s the internet”, it doesn’t lower his awesome factor. And it definitely doesn’t change the fact he’s better than Tablo.

You go, Dave! Korean Beef is cheering for you.

Read the full rant here in shitty English, complimentary of Allkrap (source):