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AllKpop is a Fucking Wanker

Even though no one has posted here in over a year, there are times when justice must step in. This is one of those times.

I am no longer a KPOP fan, and many days and nights have passed in the Kpoposphere. And many, many scandals. Yet when the populace cried, “KOREAN BEEF, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!” it was in vain. Our warrior cloaks dusty, hanging on the clothes rack, with nary a truth harbinger to be seen.

I hope this is the last somewhat serious post on this, and I’m ashamed I couldn’t end it with some joke about Tablo. No, we have discovered an even greater enemy. One that even angers our bitterest arch rival.

Meet AllKpop.
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The filthiest name in Kpop.

Yes, I’m referring to the nudes scandal.

Let’s cut the shit: AllKpop, I am deeply fucking ashamed of what you are. You’re a circus, a joke, and it’s a cold day in hell when you’ve out-depraved Dispatch. Accepting a $3500 bribe and trying to smear a poor girl’s image by bringing back her younger, foolish days is a terrible thing.

“Don’t shoot the messenger?” Bullshit! You accepted them in the first fucking place. Don’t spew that shit around, trying to shrug off responsibility. You posted it, therefore you are responsible for the backlash. You are responsible for the outrage and everything else that comes with it. The lawsuits, everything. It’s the same reason you don’t see nudes of young girls in the newspaper when a similar crime happens. Newspaper corporations get sued and journalists go to jail over this kind of thing.

It is not whistleblowing. This is vicious, petty bullying. And judging by the quick internet google search I did, it’s too late to censor the nudes. You have to remove the page completely to signify that you are actually sorry. An overblown apology letter with no actions does not cut it.

I hope you burn in hell, AllKpop. We’ll see you there.

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(Notice how our responding nude is properly censored with a diaper, also CONSENTED.)

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November 11, 2013 at 11:09 pm 3 comments

All Good Things Must Come to an End

Everyone knows Korean Beef is the best (as Hyori Lee herself endorses), thus our lifespan was doomed to be short.

The good die young, as they say.

I was ignoring all the comments up until recently because I’m the average lazy Canadian, but since I was bored at 3am and came to the realization all the recent comments left were so well-thought out, well-spelled and spot on with what I vaguely remember their moms saying the night before, I give up. You guys are too smart.

Just kidding. The real reason is I have no idea what’s new with K-POP, and I don’t have any intention of keeping up. How can I run the truthiest K-POP blog since, well, us? I can’t. So I must duck out to another spot in some dark, dusty corner of the Internet drinking haterade and pissing on something else more interesting.

For those who don’t like long-winded farewells, basically I stopped caring about K-POP and also banged your mother last night. Don’t sweat it! It was fun while it lasted.

I don’t know if Starpowder will continue to update this, but I know I’m done. Adieu.

April 20, 2011 at 7:55 am 6 comments

Hyesung Wants To Be “Close to You”

 

It seems like Shinhwa are gradually coming back from the military. Following in the footsteps of Eric, JunJin and Dongwan, Hyesung returned on December 4th.  Why are we just reporting Hyesung’s return? Because we’re lazy.

Hyesung held a two hour long concert in a smaller venue to create that “intimate” feeling with his fans. Hopefully it wasn’t too intimate, because we want to believe Hyesung came out relatively un-violated by any enthusiastic fans. He performed his older songs such as “First Person” and covered other artist’s popular songs, one being “I Don’t Care”. We believe that this is his subtle way of saying if you are the first person he sees, he probably won’t care. He still won’t like you.

He even added to this insult by treating his fans to a teaser of a new track, “Think About It”. Such as, think about why I’ll never like you. Okay, maybe he really isn’t that much of a grouch towards his fans, especially since his closing words were,

It’s been a long time since I’ve performed and this moment right here makes me so very happy. What strengthens my will to continue singing is all of you. I will return soon with good music.

With four out of six members having returned to the K-POPosphere, we’re going to have to keep waiting for the other two. Hopefully after all these new stars, the fully-returned Shinhwa won’t seem like old, washed-up artists trying to relive their former glory.

December 5, 2010 at 3:38 am Leave a comment

SNSD Proves Asia + World Just Want Idols with Tits on Them

SNSD benefit from an asset groups like JYJ lack.

SNSD are proving to be the cashcow to save the day for SM Entertainment. After storming through Korea and Japan with their latest hit ‘Hoot’ — a sound every person makes when they see SNSD — it seems like they’re not ready to stop there.

Not only was an article of their success in Japan published onto the Billboard website, there’s rumors floating around a new album may be dropped in spring. We’re sure every STAND, SONES, casual fan and apathetics alike will be creaming themselves silly over this news. We sure are.

Further more, there’s even more rumors they may be expanding into Europe as soon as 2011. Of course, rumors are rumors and we’re keeping our cynic hats on — and Europe?  What happened to expanding to the land of opportunities, SM Entertainment? Are you cheaping out that much?

Of course this really just proves this article’s theory — that the world loves and needs more tits. Unless you work for KBS.

December 5, 2010 at 3:12 am 5 comments

KBS Continues to Hate Artists

They also hate real broccoli.

In an act that only surprises people who’ve been living under the ground as dinosaur fossils for the past four million years, KBS decided to ban another song for stupid reasons, because why not?

Broccolli, You Too  recently released their second album “Graduation”. While all the other broadcasting companies reviewed all the tracks, including the bonus ones, and deemed them fit to broadcast, KBS decided to be a great big wanker and rejected them because, well, why the hell not?

Unlike HAM being too hot to handle, Brocolli, You Too was accused of using “sex-appealing lyrics” promoting prostitution and human trafficking. The following lyrics were pointed out,

when it becomes tomorrow, the children that are still half asleep in their dreams, will be absorbed into copulation… looking at each other, selling (ourselves), we say our lonesome farewells.”

The committee understandably being populated by old geezers, explained the word “copulation” (Korean: 짝짓기) means the pairing of animals and is associated with people having sex. The use of  the word “selling” (Korean: 팔려가는) implies prostitution and human trafficking, which is not advisable for the young’uns to listen to. Or something.

Broccoli, You Too asked them to re-examine the song, disagreeing the song holds sexual content. The expression of “copulation”, while it does have sexual meaning depending on context, was intended to mean “people who like being paired up.” The “selling” section was, also, ripped out of context like a zombie rips out intestines. The overall meaning of the song was meant to be upon graduating, many people often find themselves in employment they don’t want to be in, just to make a living.

In other words, this song was basically about being fucked over as an adult once you graduate with zero sexual content. Maybe the people at KBS are bitter because this song hits them straight at home — that they were never sexy enough to touch someone’s magic stick or take a devil ride in the moonlight.

December 4, 2010 at 2:39 am 4 comments

G-Dragon and TOP are Fashionistas

G-Dragon and TOP were spotted at the John Galliano party sporting their signature outrageous fashions. While TOP veered towards a hipster version of G-Dragon’s Heartbreaker days, it seems like G-Dragon wanted to go for a more nostalgic look of mad scientists from the 1950s era.

(more…)

December 4, 2010 at 2:08 am 1 comment

“North Korea is Best Korea,” states successor Kim Jong-un

Now available as a T-shirt.

Shit just got real for the Korean peninsula.  After years of real life trolling from the folks at North Korea, with plenty of “Maybe we have nukes, maybe we don’t. How about you try invading us?” assisting a cheeky wink, they were inspired by the 4chan raid on Tumblr and decided — hey, why don’t we just show bitches who’s in charge?

Unfortunately North Korea, opening fire at random won’t make up for Kim Jong-Il’s miniature dick. Nor will the South come groveling at your feet. If anything, China will ground you  and stop giving you allowance for a week.

Artillery fired at Yeonpyeong island for about an hour at around 2am EST, injuring two civilians, wounding 15 South Korean soldiers and killing one soldier. It also demolished dozens of houses and caused civilians to shit themselves and flee to the mainland. All in all, North Korea fired 200 rounds just to show how many guns they have, while South Korea only fired back 60.

During this time, Government Leaders were discussing options in the underground bunker in Seoul and the warning issued was a Code 1 — basically meaning ohhhh it’s on now, you little bitch. Meanwhile, we speculate an Asian version of James Bond (Zhang Wong?) was infiltrating the evil, hidden underground base in Pyongyang in a Ferrari.

North Korea is not concerned however. After showing the world who’s boss, they said “no u”, pissed on some American money and washed their hands. Ever since revealing their brand new nuclear power plant, many fear North Korea is building even more weapons of mass destruction.  Sources say that all these activities from the North may be due to the instable political powers and that this unprovoked attack was the worst attack since the end of the Korean war.

It’s also at this moment in time when K-POP fans showed their incredible stupidity and tweeting such gems on Twitter as,
“#prayforkorea Hope #UKiss and #SS501 are safe.”
“#prayforkorea and heechul-oppar.”
“#prayforkorea so i can slep w/ kikwang.”
“#prayforkorea … nah, let’s BOMB FUCKING EVERYTHING.”
“#prayforkorea…. naaaah, #prayformydog instead.”
“Problem, South Korea? (p.s. not Kim Jong-il)”

We at Korean Beef are not idiots and we don’t want to join their ranks, so we’ll stop it there. All we can say is we hope the families and people involved are safe now and the injured are being treated. And no, North Korea really isn’t Best Korea. Also we hope we won’t be abducted in our sleep tonight for writing this.

November 24, 2010 at 1:27 am 1 comment

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