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(Special) Why I’m NOT Proud to be a SM Stan

Ahh, SM Entertainment. You have brought countless joy to the masses (even all the way to Timbuktu without the help of the Internet). You brought us Shinhwa, H.O.T, M.I.L.K., BoA, Dong Bang Shin Ki, Super Junior, Girls Generation, and a bunch of other nobodies to the forefront and made us think they’re something special. You made us believe in 90s cheese music again.

The tl;dr version of this is that: the SM fans are extremely petty, stupid, and they make mountains over mud puddles. And I’m ashamed to be even associated with them. There are those who are not that way, of course, but … I think it’s important to point out their issues.

Now, I’ll admit – I am very SM biased. I’ll get up and do my best vocal rendition of “Replay” and I’ll do my best dance version of “Sorry, Sorry” that I can muster. I buy their CDs (and repackages). I cry that I can’t make it to the SM Towns. I envy those who get to get pictures of Lee Teuk’s nostrils. I literally scream for Henry Lau and Girls Generation though I lead the illusion that I am about to hit my mid-20s very soon. I always love listening to their music for the specific reason that they’re an escape from my shitty life. SM gives me the illusion that maybe I could walk up to Sunny and we can go just go bbubuu all day every day.

But maybe that’s dangerous that they do it. In the ending of the first of 100 versions of “Happiness”, you can see Super Junior holding fucking signs that said, “FREE HUGS!” And they proceed to hug everyone – including the security guards who probably didn’t know who the fuck they were.

“Oh, these guys want to hug me? Uh, okay..? I better get overtime.”

And then we never hear from them again. Okay, that’s obviously an exaggeration (one of the few flaws Korean Beef has) but the point is that maybe the idea of being able to hang out with Onew over some Gamjatang has warped into something horrifying and obsessive.

Like any smart company, SM Entertainment cashed in the fame of these nobodies by creating these fanclubs. I suppose to give the fans a sense of belonging since their school days essentially makes them stay for up to 12 hours a day. Supposedly, they’ve only recently made it so the grade school kids don’t have to attend Saturday classes.

That’s insane!

So I understand that the students (grade, middle, etc) need something extra in their life to look forward to for entertainment. And that’s, I think, is the basis of everything that’s wrong with how it’s being handled. Of course, the United States still has its own ways to go. That’s not the point though. The point is how insane these fans are and how extreme they can be.

And, well, they do a lot of stupid shit. What gets me is that SM Entertainment know what they’re doing is fucked up but they don’t do anything about it. They just let it escalate out of control to where it’s acceptable for fans to pressure each other do to more in order to: 1) shock to impress oppa/unnie 2) shock to impress other fans at their “dedication” 3) prove to themselves in their own mind that they are worthy in their idol’s eyes 4) other psychological issues I probably haven’t even touched or have gone near.

Korean Beef always have issues with fanclubs – that isn’t a secret but it’s important to know that this post is not just going to be about Korean fans but International fans as well. SM Entertainment is (somehow) becoming a name in the world because of the Internet. And to be fair, apparently, there are those groups of fans who do indeed respect the artist but it really feels like it’s far and few in between.

I’ve prattled on long enough. Remember: this is all that I can think of and what I’m aware of. Feel free to spam the comments with your thoughts on how I don’t understand the true spirit of sending death threats or trying to get my ass get run over or whatever.

(more…)

June 29, 2012 at 4:37 am 13 comments

Don’t Call It A Comeback. Because I’m Not Quite Ready.

ImageSo… sup. A lot of things happened in 2011 in the kpoposphere but I believe I can sum it up: Blackface, fans being dumb (when are they not), a bunch of new bands, JYJ being shit on, the cat is out of the bag (that is to say: the populace finally acknowledge the fans’ shitty behavior, bunch of shit music, and other shit that I really don’t care to remember right now.

 

On a personal level, there was a lot of offline shit that happened with me that I don’t care to share with you but there’s something that I could no longer deny.

I can’t stop making fun of KPOP idols. It’s way too much fun to rip them a new asshole (especially when they deserve it). It’s way too much fun to stir shit with so-called fans who are willing to tell me their thoughts on shit I don’t care about.

As for the new changes: I’m not going to delete any of the great articles that’s already posted. I’m probably going to reorganize everything and start looking for a new co-writer. I’ll probably just have you guys submit shit to me on my personal email since I don’t remember the password for blog’s and it’ll make me feel important. Different jokes but it’ll be the same shit.

Um. I think that’s it for right now. The only thing I’ll say is: Keep an eye out for Korean Beef’s Twitter (@kpopbeef) for random updates on progress as well as rumors/confirmations in less than 140 characters.

March 17, 2012 at 8:19 am 2 comments

Adventures in E-Mail Diving


We’re just a little odd here.

Sorry about randomly dying like that, Beefcakes. Life tends to be a little bit more important that idols (believe it or not).

Anyway, because the writers here are not in Korea, sometimes we have to order from online sites. They usually take two weeks or so to get to our place of residence and of course we’re subscribed to their newsletters at times.

One of the more popular websites for fans to buy KPOP cds and merchandise are usually YesAsia, GMarket (although I haven’t personally tried that myself), and DVDHeaven.

More often times than not, our favorite KPOP idols (and I say this with the utmost sarcasm) release nothing but crap, crap, crap for fans who’ll happily blow their student loans on.

However, this time it’s different. Because of the drama that’s still going on even though we’re in the new year (eventually, we’re going to have to do our annual Year In Review), nothing is funnier than this.

It’s not even exactly new news that SM Entertainment and Avex are selling TVXQ shit like they’re gold-platted Hummers and really good pizza pops – but I just found this in my e-mail today that I would just love to share with the rest of my wonderful readers:


Oh. Sucks to be a poor Cassie, I guess.

Happy New Year, JYJ and to our lovely readers of Korean Beef!

January 3, 2011 at 7:20 am 4 comments

Some Old Ha–I mean, Seo In Young Releases MV Teaser for “Into the Rhythm”.

Looks like it’s not just men who go through a midlife crisis.

Jewelry’s Seo In Young has been doing some solo work here and there (Elly is So Hot and Elly is Cinderella, most notably if older KPOP fans have Alzheimer’s) since Jewelry aren’t as active as they used to be, although, they are the longest running girl-group out there. Even though, you know, two of the original members already left, they replaced one of them, and they’re supposedly going to come back with a new name any minute.

Yep, any minute.

Anyway, at first, Seo In Young had a very strong hip-hop influence in her Elly is So Hot (no, really) and in her second on, Elly is Cinderella, it still had a lot of hip-hop influence but you could tell that she wanted to try out techno. It didn’t work too well but whatever. And supposedly in her third album, Lov-Elly, there’s a lot of ballads which contributes to the annoying levels of ballads, as I mentioned before.

But now she’s releasing a new album called Into the Rhythm, which is supposedly going to come out on the 10th of December. All we can say is – what the fuck is this audio mess? This is worse than BoA’s song of wanting to come out and bump uglies with you. Gross. This is her second attempt at bad techno. I suppose the winter’s not quite tired of techno vomit just yet. The teaser is just weird and, again, it’s just nothing but noise.

I think this is her way of trying to breaking the Elly trend, which is surprising all things considering – her hip-hop stuff is more creditable than it may seem.

But, really, Beefcakes, should Seo In Young keep trying to get into the techno rhythm or is this Cinderella permanently banned from the techno ball she wants to so badly go?

December 6, 2010 at 11:36 pm 1 comment

Yunho & Changmin Come Back in 2011; Fans Shit Bricks


“Silly Cassies! Did you really think we’d set aside our differences and come back for you?”

In a sucker minute, SM Entertainment came out with a statement that Dong Bang Shin Ki are coming back in January 2011. Only they don’t have Jaejoong, Micky, and Xiah with them. Instead it’s just Yunho and Max.

They released on the homepage, “2011, TVXQ is returning to you all”, as though that they took a quick hiatus to gain some composure from getting their pants sued off by not just JYJ but Hangeng as well and after losing four million won in a failed attempt at a karaoke business.

Naturally, fans are shitting all over themselves (even after getting comfortable in their BEAST, F.Cuz, or even 2NE1 panties) about the news but as they scroll down further they realize something.

Hey, wait a minute. Only Yunho and Changmin are coming back? Granted, this is good news if you’re a washed up idol fan but fans have been chanting “Keep the faith, our five angels will settle their differences and grace us with our presence (all while throwing shit at their head)!” But of course, Cassies are stupid and they don’t know anything in regarding to ruthlessness of the entertainment industry.

SM Entertainment also released a statement saying:

“After the 3 TVXQ members left, for over a long year, both U-Know Yunho and Choi Kang Changmin have refrained from musical activities.

The two members as well as the company wanted to keep TVXQ alive, thinking about the never changing hearts of our loyal fans who have waited a long time.

As indicated by the ruling, all of TVXQ’s activities need to be done through SM, unfortunately, the three members that left have regretfully not responded to any of our offers for activities as TVXQ. After long and careful consideration, we made this decision.

For U-know Yunho and Choi Kang Changmin, who never left and kept their dreams as TVXQ, we have decided together with the two members to keep TVXQ alive.

No matter what happens, we believed that TVXQ should be continued for the love and trust of the fans who created TVXQ together with us.

We are not ruling out any possibilities in the future. Continuing TVXQ is the best way to repay the fans who love and waited for TVXQ.”

Because financing a goddamn Chinese perfume company against SM’s will is totally keeping the faith, right, Cassies? I don’t think Cassies realize that SM are just catering to their (blind) faith that JYJ will come back. They’ve already have success in Korea, (somewhat) in Japan, and in America. Why fix what’s not broken? Why stop them if it’s working?

Fans may call JYJ money grubbers and entitlement whores but what they don’t realize is that Lee Soo  Man and the other devious masterminds behind SME are already planning which trainees to debut under the second TVXQ name. This is certainly unprecedented but SM are willing to cash on TVXQ while Yunho and Changmin are still walking and somewhat breathing.

I mean, after all, they’ve got to make up their four million won and other fees brought on by the lawsuits. As usual, Korean Beef remains cynical – they’re not going to be the same ever again.

We’re positive that the next announcement in regards of TVXQ’s comeback will be the trainees who suspiciously looks and sounds like JYJ.

November 23, 2010 at 1:06 am 7 comments

Idiot Couple Prefers Virtual Child to Real Child. Thus Real Child Dies Because of Negligance.


AVERAGE STARCRAFT PLAYER: “Family values? Doesn’t that lower your offensive stat?”

As everyone already knows, Koreans are known for their severe online gaming addiction. Idols such as Mithra Jin, Super Junior members Kyunhyun and Heechul – and I’m sure many others, are also part of this growing problem. Starcraft is especially popular for one reason or another but right after that it’s AION. But this post, strangely, is not about idols, companies, or their douchey fans.

Instead, this is actually about one Korean couple’s problem that’s spilling over into the United States. Korea’s just more known for their MMORPG but the United States are gaining notoriety and it’s starting to become a problem.

I blame Blizzard, mostly because they both own World of Warcraft and Starcraft (they need to join Scrabble sessions too).

Anyway, back in April, a couple in South Korea whose daughter has died because of malnutrition pleaded guilty because they preferred a virtual child on the 3-D fantasy MMORPG, Prius Online. Apparently, in this game, you can raise and nurture a virtual child who, as she grows, gains powers to defeat virtual monsters.

They would often put their real, breathing daughter to bed and leave to go PC Bang, a 24-hour Internet cafe, for ten hour sessions a day.

(more…)

November 19, 2010 at 8:54 pm 3 comments

SM Entertainment Need to Play Scrabble More Often.

SM Ballad: The next boring sensation since Anyplace.

Recently, since SM Entertainment are losing money because fucking JYJ are making more money than them with their American concerts (even though they were free), all the lawsuits, and they’re rapidly losing money due to an expensive karaoke bar where only idols can pay for (like they have time), they missed their weekly game of Scrabble with JYP Entertainment, YG Entertainment, amongst others, they decided to release a new temporary group called “SM The Ballad”.

This group consists Super Junior’s Kyunhyun, SHINee’s Donk–Jonghyun, the TRAX’s Jay (cue in “Who is the TRAX?” – they are an actual rock group that’s still somewhat around even though they were fucking awesome when they first debuted), and a random trainee named Jino.

Already prepared for fans’ wonderment, they’re already going to release an album on November 26.

Not sure why they would SM Entertainment would debut a ballad group (and it’s even said they’re going to make other people join ballad groups) when 99.5% of KPOP is nothing but ballads. The other .3% is about how hot, sexy, cool, and gangster KPOP idols think they are. The .2% is legitimately good music.

Although, I’m being extremely generous.

But whatever – SM Entertainment seems to know what the fuck they’re doing. Fans, though, are annoyed with the fact that there’s going to be a group solely dedicated to ballads when there’s, as I mentioned before, a large amount of artists produce crappy ballads.

Jonghyun, though, has whined about how SHINee doesn’t have enough ballads. Fans yell at him to shut up and to keep throwing barrels at fans who are trying to kill his girlfriend.  Jay seems to be happy to be back in the SPOTlight and not the backlights although Kyunhyun could probably care less (“Sweet, now I can buy more features for my Starcraft character! I always wanted a pet pug!”).

Jino had probably just wet himself silly knowing he’ll be singing with the balladeers of SM Entertainment.

So, beefcakes, what do you think about this group?

November 19, 2010 at 8:12 pm 3 comments

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