SNSD Proves Asia + World Just Want Idols with Tits on Them

SNSD benefit from an asset groups like JYJ lack.

SNSD are proving to be the cashcow to save the day for SM Entertainment. After storming through Korea and Japan with their latest hit ‘Hoot’ — a sound every person makes when they see SNSD — it seems like they’re not ready to stop there.

Not only was an article of their success in Japan published onto the Billboard website, there’s rumors floating around a new album may be dropped in spring. We’re sure every STAND, SONES, casual fan and apathetics alike will be creaming themselves silly over this news. We sure are.

Further more, there’s even more rumors they may be expanding into Europe as soon as 2011. Of course, rumors are rumors and we’re keeping our cynic hats on — and Europe?  What happened to expanding to the land of opportunities, SM Entertainment? Are you cheaping out that much?

Of course this really just proves this article’s theory — that the world loves and needs more tits. Unless you work for KBS.


December 5, 2010 at 3:12 am 5 comments

KBS Continues to Hate Artists

They also hate real broccoli.

In an act that only surprises people who’ve been living under the ground as dinosaur fossils for the past four million years, KBS decided to ban another song for stupid reasons, because why not?

Broccolli, You Too  recently released their second album “Graduation”. While all the other broadcasting companies reviewed all the tracks, including the bonus ones, and deemed them fit to broadcast, KBS decided to be a great big wanker and rejected them because, well, why the hell not?

Unlike HAM being too hot to handle, Brocolli, You Too was accused of using “sex-appealing lyrics” promoting prostitution and human trafficking. The following lyrics were pointed out,

when it becomes tomorrow, the children that are still half asleep in their dreams, will be absorbed into copulation… looking at each other, selling (ourselves), we say our lonesome farewells.”

The committee understandably being populated by old geezers, explained the word “copulation” (Korean: 짝짓기) means the pairing of animals and is associated with people having sex. The use of  the word “selling” (Korean: 팔려가는) implies prostitution and human trafficking, which is not advisable for the young’uns to listen to. Or something.

Broccoli, You Too asked them to re-examine the song, disagreeing the song holds sexual content. The expression of “copulation”, while it does have sexual meaning depending on context, was intended to mean “people who like being paired up.” The “selling” section was, also, ripped out of context like a zombie rips out intestines. The overall meaning of the song was meant to be upon graduating, many people often find themselves in employment they don’t want to be in, just to make a living.

In other words, this song was basically about being fucked over as an adult once you graduate with zero sexual content. Maybe the people at KBS are bitter because this song hits them straight at home — that they were never sexy enough to touch someone’s magic stick or take a devil ride in the moonlight.

December 4, 2010 at 2:39 am 4 comments

G-Dragon and TOP are Fashionistas

G-Dragon and TOP were spotted at the John Galliano party sporting their signature outrageous fashions. While TOP veered towards a hipster version of G-Dragon’s Heartbreaker days, it seems like G-Dragon wanted to go for a more nostalgic look of mad scientists from the 1950s era.


December 4, 2010 at 2:08 am 1 comment

“North Korea is Best Korea,” states successor Kim Jong-un

Now available as a T-shirt.

Shit just got real for the Korean peninsula.  After years of real life trolling from the folks at North Korea, with plenty of “Maybe we have nukes, maybe we don’t. How about you try invading us?” assisting a cheeky wink, they were inspired by the 4chan raid on Tumblr and decided — hey, why don’t we just show bitches who’s in charge?

Unfortunately North Korea, opening fire at random won’t make up for Kim Jong-Il’s miniature dick. Nor will the South come groveling at your feet. If anything, China will ground you  and stop giving you allowance for a week.

Artillery fired at Yeonpyeong island for about an hour at around 2am EST, injuring two civilians, wounding 15 South Korean soldiers and killing one soldier. It also demolished dozens of houses and caused civilians to shit themselves and flee to the mainland. All in all, North Korea fired 200 rounds just to show how many guns they have, while South Korea only fired back 60.

During this time, Government Leaders were discussing options in the underground bunker in Seoul and the warning issued was a Code 1 — basically meaning ohhhh it’s on now, you little bitch. Meanwhile, we speculate an Asian version of James Bond (Zhang Wong?) was infiltrating the evil, hidden underground base in Pyongyang in a Ferrari.

North Korea is not concerned however. After showing the world who’s boss, they said “no u”, pissed on some American money and washed their hands. Ever since revealing their brand new nuclear power plant, many fear North Korea is building even more weapons of mass destruction.  Sources say that all these activities from the North may be due to the instable political powers and that this unprovoked attack was the worst attack since the end of the Korean war.

It’s also at this moment in time when K-POP fans showed their incredible stupidity and tweeting such gems on Twitter as,
“#prayforkorea Hope #UKiss and #SS501 are safe.”
“#prayforkorea and heechul-oppar.”
“#prayforkorea so i can slep w/ kikwang.”
“#prayforkorea … nah, let’s BOMB FUCKING EVERYTHING.”
“#prayforkorea…. naaaah, #prayformydog instead.”
“Problem, South Korea? (p.s. not Kim Jong-il)”

We at Korean Beef are not idiots and we don’t want to join their ranks, so we’ll stop it there. All we can say is we hope the families and people involved are safe now and the injured are being treated. And no, North Korea really isn’t Best Korea. Also we hope we won’t be abducted in our sleep tonight for writing this.

November 24, 2010 at 1:27 am 1 comment

Yunho & Changmin Come Back in 2011; Fans Shit Bricks

“Silly Cassies! Did you really think we’d set aside our differences and come back for you?”

In a sucker minute, SM Entertainment came out with a statement that Dong Bang Shin Ki are coming back in January 2011. Only they don’t have Jaejoong, Micky, and Xiah with them. Instead it’s just Yunho and Max.

They released on the homepage, “2011, TVXQ is returning to you all”, as though that they took a quick hiatus to gain some composure from getting their pants sued off by not just JYJ but Hangeng as well and after losing four million won in a failed attempt at a karaoke business.

Naturally, fans are shitting all over themselves (even after getting comfortable in their BEAST, F.Cuz, or even 2NE1 panties) about the news but as they scroll down further they realize something.

Hey, wait a minute. Only Yunho and Changmin are coming back? Granted, this is good news if you’re a washed up idol fan but fans have been chanting “Keep the faith, our five angels will settle their differences and grace us with our presence (all while throwing shit at their head)!” But of course, Cassies are stupid and they don’t know anything in regarding to ruthlessness of the entertainment industry.

SM Entertainment also released a statement saying:

“After the 3 TVXQ members left, for over a long year, both U-Know Yunho and Choi Kang Changmin have refrained from musical activities.

The two members as well as the company wanted to keep TVXQ alive, thinking about the never changing hearts of our loyal fans who have waited a long time.

As indicated by the ruling, all of TVXQ’s activities need to be done through SM, unfortunately, the three members that left have regretfully not responded to any of our offers for activities as TVXQ. After long and careful consideration, we made this decision.

For U-know Yunho and Choi Kang Changmin, who never left and kept their dreams as TVXQ, we have decided together with the two members to keep TVXQ alive.

No matter what happens, we believed that TVXQ should be continued for the love and trust of the fans who created TVXQ together with us.

We are not ruling out any possibilities in the future. Continuing TVXQ is the best way to repay the fans who love and waited for TVXQ.”

Because financing a goddamn Chinese perfume company against SM’s will is totally keeping the faith, right, Cassies? I don’t think Cassies realize that SM are just catering to their (blind) faith that JYJ will come back. They’ve already have success in Korea, (somewhat) in Japan, and in America. Why fix what’s not broken? Why stop them if it’s working?

Fans may call JYJ money grubbers and entitlement whores but what they don’t realize is that Lee Soo  Man and the other devious masterminds behind SME are already planning which trainees to debut under the second TVXQ name. This is certainly unprecedented but SM are willing to cash on TVXQ while Yunho and Changmin are still walking and somewhat breathing.

I mean, after all, they’ve got to make up their four million won and other fees brought on by the lawsuits. As usual, Korean Beef remains cynical – they’re not going to be the same ever again.

We’re positive that the next announcement in regards of TVXQ’s comeback will be the trainees who suspiciously looks and sounds like JYJ.

November 23, 2010 at 1:06 am 7 comments

Idiot Couple Prefers Virtual Child to Real Child. Thus Real Child Dies Because of Negligance.

AVERAGE STARCRAFT PLAYER: “Family values? Doesn’t that lower your offensive stat?”

As everyone already knows, Koreans are known for their severe online gaming addiction. Idols such as Mithra Jin, Super Junior members Kyunhyun and Heechul – and I’m sure many others, are also part of this growing problem. Starcraft is especially popular for one reason or another but right after that it’s AION. But this post, strangely, is not about idols, companies, or their douchey fans.

Instead, this is actually about one Korean couple’s problem that’s spilling over into the United States. Korea’s just more known for their MMORPG but the United States are gaining notoriety and it’s starting to become a problem.

I blame Blizzard, mostly because they both own World of Warcraft and Starcraft (they need to join Scrabble sessions too).

Anyway, back in April, a couple in South Korea whose daughter has died because of malnutrition pleaded guilty because they preferred a virtual child on the 3-D fantasy MMORPG, Prius Online. Apparently, in this game, you can raise and nurture a virtual child who, as she grows, gains powers to defeat virtual monsters.

They would often put their real, breathing daughter to bed and leave to go PC Bang, a 24-hour Internet cafe, for ten hour sessions a day.


November 19, 2010 at 8:54 pm 3 comments

SM Entertainment Need to Play Scrabble More Often.

SM Ballad: The next boring sensation since Anyplace.

Recently, since SM Entertainment are losing money because fucking JYJ are making more money than them with their American concerts (even though they were free), all the lawsuits, and they’re rapidly losing money due to an expensive karaoke bar where only idols can pay for (like they have time), they missed their weekly game of Scrabble with JYP Entertainment, YG Entertainment, amongst others, they decided to release a new temporary group called “SM The Ballad”.

This group consists Super Junior’s Kyunhyun, SHINee’s Donk–Jonghyun, the TRAX’s Jay (cue in “Who is the TRAX?” – they are an actual rock group that’s still somewhat around even though they were fucking awesome when they first debuted), and a random trainee named Jino.

Already prepared for fans’ wonderment, they’re already going to release an album on November 26.

Not sure why they would SM Entertainment would debut a ballad group (and it’s even said they’re going to make other people join ballad groups) when 99.5% of KPOP is nothing but ballads. The other .3% is about how hot, sexy, cool, and gangster KPOP idols think they are. The .2% is legitimately good music.

Although, I’m being extremely generous.

But whatever – SM Entertainment seems to know what the fuck they’re doing. Fans, though, are annoyed with the fact that there’s going to be a group solely dedicated to ballads when there’s, as I mentioned before, a large amount of artists produce crappy ballads.

Jonghyun, though, has whined about how SHINee doesn’t have enough ballads. Fans yell at him to shut up and to keep throwing barrels at fans who are trying to kill his girlfriend.  Jay seems to be happy to be back in the SPOTlight and not the backlights although Kyunhyun could probably care less (“Sweet, now I can buy more features for my Starcraft character! I always wanted a pet pug!”).

Jino had probably just wet himself silly knowing he’ll be singing with the balladeers of SM Entertainment.

So, beefcakes, what do you think about this group?

November 19, 2010 at 8:12 pm 3 comments

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