Top 10 People Most Likely to be Gay

Just young Korean men sharing a passionate kiss.

We’ve all done it. You know, slash Woo Hyuk with Tony An. Bi-Rain with JYP. Yoona with yourself. Korean Beef has decided to go the extra mile and use their extra-sensitive gaydars to pinpoint the people in K-pop who are most likely to be homosexual.

10. Brian Joo

At the bottom of our list is the respectable Amerikorean, Brian. He sure acts gay in variety shows and towards everyone. He’s pretty friendly with da dudes. In fact, he’s been in gay polls before so this shouldn’t have been a huge surprise. People even suggest he has lots of ‘good times’ with his ‘best friend’, Eru. However, the two main things that dispel the myth that he’s a flaming homosexual is

1) He’s a rabid Christian according to his personal Twitter and Facebook account — and homosexuality in Christianity is an instant no-no.

2) He really seemed to be enjoying hanging out with hot nurse chicks in a certain photo we saw on Asianfanatics (look it up yourself, we’re lazy).

Of course, this could all be for media press and he’s duping us all and he’s really doing undercover dancing with his pal, Eru. Or Fanny. Whoever is first on his list.

09. Tony Ahn

Do you remember the pairing with Woo Hyuk and Tony Ahn back from the good ol’ H.O.T days? Of course you don’t you young whippershanpper, they were before your time. But back in my day, wrestling in the sand was considered gay enough for slashing and we were happy with it! Then they banded together to form the triple-gay orgy JTL and that’s when our dentures really fell outta our mouths! Woo Woo Ahn! And oh dear, my old age is getting to me, I don’t remember L. I remember he went off to rape some girl though, because Tony and Woo Hyuk wouldn’t let him in on the action. Oh dear!

08. Bada

And thass’right young pups, Bada was back from our generation too. Anyway, Korean Beef ain’t sexist like the rest of those dumb K-pop blogs, so we added in potential lesbians to the list too. She gives all the lesbian vibes from the way she dresses (old lady, too boyishly, failing at girly), the way she acts in talk shows (boyish much?) and her voice. You know she’d go down on Eugene the moment she turned away.

07. Key

We all saw SHINee’s Key coming on this list (hah! pun). While he doesn’t send my professional Gaydar off the charts like some other gullible fangirls, there is no denying he is just feminine. Likes pink, cute things, wears pink lipstick, takes special care to his hair, is all over his bandmates in general (especially Donkey Kong– Jonghyun, I meant) and is just all-around girly. My gaydar simply says he’s metrosexual.

06. Kim Dongwan

You may be asking yourself, “steroid man? How is he possibly gay? He works out too much. He could probably bang two girls while beating up the local mafia gang. He takes steroids and does manly things like benchpressing dump trucks. Just look at his goddamned muscles!”

And that is where Dongwan will fool you. Sure he acts goofy and perfectly stra—-nge, but saying gay people can’t be strange would be stereotyping. We all know his best friend forever and ever, Lee Minwoo, is a total manslut and sleeps with the hottest babes from the Miss Korea competition.

Where does this leave Dongwan? Sitting alone by himself, boiling in jealousy. In fact, when Minwoo’s former girlfriend Amy called out Minwoo on being a slutty sleazebag, Dongwan rushed to his rescue unusually fast. Most people wouldn’t care, I mean, Minwoo’s not exactly a celibate saint and that’s not news.  Not to mention Dongwan cannot keep his hands off him. He has stated, in summed up format, “you don’t know Minwoo like I know Minwoo, so gtfo.”

Gay or bromance? You decide.

05. Ga-In

Starring in the new girl group overrated sensation PV “Abrakadabra” or whatever it’s called, this chick’s new haircut is to promote the “sexy” image with the rest of the video. A lot of misguided fangirls think she’s hot. I think she’s a porn-loving carpet muncher.

Now you may think she’s just tomboyish, or just an image for this PV, or maybe lying. I don’t buy it. It’s really fucking embarrassing when a guy can pull off looking more like a girl than you can and I wouldn’t want to live through that. Granted, a lot of Korean guys tend to make girls look like slugs — but this was an exceptional case. Plus did you see her dance with her fellow co-stars? Man was she into it. Like how much she wanted into their vaginas.

04. Park Jungmin

Another one we all saw coming. Jungmin is famous as the most flamboyant Korean boyband member who ever gayed. Some call him “Horse”. Other people call him “one evil bitch” (thanks Hyunjoong!). Some call him flamingly homosexual. If you didn’t know Jungmin beforehand, let me tell you right now he lives up to his name. We don’t even have to justify here exactly why he’s gay when 50,000 other K-Pop fansites will tell you for us, and more than happy to do so.

Here’s how gay he strikes most people: combine 6 part Shinhwa, 1 part Son Ho Young, add a dash of BoA bitch evil and you will acquire Jungmin. Take with a lemon and don’t take it on an empty stomach.

03. Jo Kwon

Christ, where do you begin with this guy? He’s willingly cross-dressed as a Girls’ Generation member and a Wonder Girls member. On Wild Bunny, he even went so far as to outglam that ugly lesbian hag Ga-In. When you see him on Star King and other variety shows, he might as well shit rainbows and sweat sparkles. If you watch it and you’re a male, he may turn you gay.

Korean Beef warned you, therefore we take no responsibility for your sudden sexual reorientation.

 

02. Super Junior

I was debating with a friend over which member of Super Junior should be added to the gay list. Instantly, she said “HEECHUL”! Now I’m far from convinced Heechul is gay. He may crossdress, but he’s not gay. Nerdy, probably has B.O., can’t catch a break with the girls — yes. Gay? Probably not. I was arguing that Ryeowook was the gayer one for liking to apply free makeup samples.
“So,” declared my friend, “in that case, you may as well add Sungmin!”
Oh shit, I thought. Sungmin is definitely kind of gay. Even though he strikes me as a manly man as well.

At this point, I decided, “fuck it. I’ll just add all of them into 2nd place. They’re an orgy of an unlucky 13 members.”

01. 02. Park Jaebum

“WHAT?” you declare to yourself, “how the fuck could someone as manly and straight and American and Christian as Jaebum could be tied for #2? Are you out of your mind? Jo Kwon should’ve been higher than him in this!”

Well, after all his “Korea is gay” comments, all Korean Beef has to say on this is “it takes one to know one.”
Don’t hide it Jaebum. I know we said “getting girls into your pants” but really by girls we meant other boys.

01. Korea and Korean Netizens

Yes, we’re calling an entire country gay, because it is. Repressed homosexuality in Korea abounds and it’s up to people like the equally flaming Jaebum to call all those Koreans out on it. As we’ve stated before it takes one to know one. And considering how omg mad Koreans get at anyone remotely homosexual, we’ve decided to please K-pop fans on a whole and call the whole damn country gay. Hope you’re all happy because the overseas fans are next on its Turning People Gay scheme. I mean, the country looks like a penis for fuck’s sake.

Korea, Korean Beef is onto you!