Everyone knows Korean Beef is the best (as Hyori Lee herself endorses), thus our lifespan was doomed to be short.

The good die young, as they say.

I was ignoring all the comments up until recently because I’m the average lazy Canadian, but since I was bored at 3am and came to the realization all the recent comments left were so well-thought out, well-spelled and spot on with what I vaguely remember their moms saying the night before, I give up. You guys are too smart.

Just kidding. The real reason is I have no idea what’s new with K-POP, and I don’t have any intention of keeping up. How can I run the truthiest K-POP blog since, well, us? I can’t. So I must duck out to another spot in some dark, dusty corner of the Internet drinking haterade and pissing on something else more interesting.

For those who don’t like long-winded farewells, basically I stopped caring about K-POP and also banged your mother last night. Don’t sweat it! It was fun while it lasted.

I don’t know if Starpowder will continue to update this, but I know I’m done. Adieu.

Sorry about randomly dying like that, Beefcakes. Life tends to be a little bit more important that idols (believe it or not).

Anyway, because the writers here are not in Korea, sometimes we have to order from online sites. They usually take two weeks or so to get to our place of residence and of course we’re subscribed to their newsletters at times.

One of the more popular websites for fans to buy KPOP cds and merchandise are usually YesAsia, GMarket (although I haven’t personally tried that myself), and DVDHeaven.

More often times than not, our favorite KPOP idols (and I say this with the utmost sarcasm) release nothing but crap, crap, crap for fans who’ll happily blow their student loans on.

However, this time it’s different. Because of the drama that’s still going on even though we’re in the new year (eventually, we’re going to have to do our annual Year In Review), nothing is funnier than this.

It’s not even exactly new news that SM Entertainment and Avex are selling TVXQ shit like they’re gold-platted Hummers and really good pizza pops – but I just found this in my e-mail today that I would just love to share with the rest of my wonderful readers:

Oh. Sucks to be a poor Cassie, I guess.

Happy New Year, JYJ and to our lovely readers of Korean Beef!

Looks like it’s not just men who go through a midlife crisis.

Jewelry’s Seo In Young has been doing some solo work here and there (Elly is So Hot and Elly is Cinderella, most notably if older KPOP fans have Alzheimer’s) since Jewelry aren’t as active as they used to be, although, they are the longest running girl-group out there. Even though, you know, two of the original members already left, they replaced one of them, and they’re supposedly going to come back with a new name any minute.

Yep, any minute.

Anyway, at first, Seo In Young had a very strong hip-hop influence in her Elly is So Hot (no, really) and in her second on, Elly is Cinderella, it still had a lot of hip-hop influence but you could tell that she wanted to try out techno. It didn’t work too well but whatever. And supposedly in her third album, Lov-Elly, there’s a lot of ballads which contributes to the annoying levels of ballads, as I mentioned before.

But now she’s releasing a new album called Into the Rhythm, which is supposedly going to come out on the 10th of December. All we can say is – what the fuck is this audio mess? This is worse than BoA’s song of wanting to come out and bump uglies with you. Gross. This is her second attempt at bad techno. I suppose the winter’s not quite tired of techno vomit just yet. The teaser is just weird and, again, it’s just nothing but noise.

I think this is her way of trying to breaking the Elly trend, which is surprising all things considering – her hip-hop stuff is more creditable than it may seem.

But, really, Beefcakes, should Seo In Young keep trying to get into the techno rhythm or is this Cinderella permanently banned from the techno ball she wants to so badly go?

It seems like Shinhwa are gradually coming back from the military. Following in the footsteps of Eric, JunJin and Dongwan, Hyesung returned on December 4th.  Why are we just reporting Hyesung’s return? Because we’re lazy.

Hyesung held a two hour long concert in a smaller venue to create that “intimate” feeling with his fans. Hopefully it wasn’t too intimate, because we want to believe Hyesung came out relatively un-violated by any enthusiastic fans. He performed his older songs such as “First Person” and covered other artist’s popular songs, one being “I Don’t Care”. We believe that this is his subtle way of saying if you are the first person he sees, he probably won’t care. He still won’t like you.

He even added to this insult by treating his fans to a teaser of a new track, “Think About It”. Such as, think about why I’ll never like you. Okay, maybe he really isn’t that much of a grouch towards his fans, especially since his closing words were,

“It’s been a long time since I’ve performed and this moment right here makes me so very happy. What strengthens my will to continue singing is all of you. I will return soon with good music.“

With four out of six members having returned to the K-POPosphere, we’re going to have to keep waiting for the other two. Hopefully after all these new stars, the fully-returned Shinhwa won’t seem like old, washed-up artists trying to relive their former glory.

SNSD benefit from an asset groups like JYJ lack.

SNSD are proving to be the cashcow to save the day for SM Entertainment. After storming through Korea and Japan with their latest hit ‘Hoot’ — a sound every person makes when they see SNSD — it seems like they’re not ready to stop there.

Not only was an article of their success in Japan published onto the Billboard website, there’s rumors floating around a new album may be dropped in spring. We’re sure every STAND, SONES, casual fan and apathetics alike will be creaming themselves silly over this news. We sure are.

Further more, there’s even more rumors they may be expanding into Europe as soon as 2011. Of course, rumors are rumors and we’re keeping our cynic hats on — and Europe?  What happened to expanding to the land of opportunities, SM Entertainment? Are you cheaping out that much?

Of course this really just proves this article’s theory — that the world loves and needs more tits. Unless you work for KBS.

They also hate real broccoli.

In an act that only surprises people who’ve been living under the ground as dinosaur fossils for the past four million years, KBS decided to ban another song for stupid reasons, because why not?

Broccolli, You Too  recently released their second album “Graduation”. While all the other broadcasting companies reviewed all the tracks, including the bonus ones, and deemed them fit to broadcast, KBS decided to be a great big wanker and rejected them because, well, why the hell not?

Unlike HAM being too hot to handle, Brocolli, You Too was accused of using “sex-appealing lyrics” promoting prostitution and human trafficking. The following lyrics were pointed out,

“when it becomes tomorrow, the children that are still half asleep in their dreams, will be absorbed into copulation… looking at each other, selling (ourselves), we say our lonesome farewells.”

The committee understandably being populated by old geezers, explained the word “copulation” (Korean: 짝짓기) means the pairing of animals and is associated with people having sex. The use of  the word “selling” (Korean: 팔려가는) implies prostitution and human trafficking, which is not advisable for the young’uns to listen to. Or something.

Broccoli, You Too asked them to re-examine the song, disagreeing the song holds sexual content. The expression of “copulation”, while it does have sexual meaning depending on context, was intended to mean “people who like being paired up.” The “selling” section was, also, ripped out of context like a zombie rips out intestines. The overall meaning of the song was meant to be upon graduating, many people often find themselves in employment they don’t want to be in, just to make a living.

In other words, this song was basically about being fucked over as an adult once you graduate with zero sexual content. Maybe the people at KBS are bitter because this song hits them straight at home — that they were never sexy enough to touch someone’s magic stick or take a devil ride in the moonlight.

Artists from YG Entertainment are known for being fashion forward… into the wall. Between these two, who do you believe is dressed better?

As for Big Bang, they are rumored to have a comeback sometime in February. We trust our readers won’t be deceived by YG’s hype, as the company has a reputation to keep postponing these sorts of things. Don’t worry though, with Big Bang as one of their biggest commodities, you can still expect their comeback in February, 2030.

Now available as a T-shirt.

Shit just got real for the Korean peninsula.  After years of real life trolling from the folks at North Korea, with plenty of “Maybe we have nukes, maybe we don’t. How about you try invading us?” assisting a cheeky wink, they were inspired by the 4chan raid on Tumblr and decided — hey, why don’t we just show bitches who’s in charge?

Unfortunately North Korea, opening fire at random won’t make up for Kim Jong-Il’s miniature dick. Nor will the South come groveling at your feet. If anything, China will ground you  and stop giving you allowance for a week.

Artillery fired at Yeonpyeong island for about an hour at around 2am EST, injuring two civilians, wounding 15 South Korean soldiers and killing one soldier. It also demolished dozens of houses and caused civilians to shit themselves and flee to the mainland. All in all, North Korea fired 200 rounds just to show how many guns they have, while South Korea only fired back 60.

During this time, Government Leaders were discussing options in the underground bunker in Seoul and the warning issued was a Code 1 — basically meaning ohhhh it’s on now, you little bitch. Meanwhile, we speculate an Asian version of James Bond (Zhang Wong?) was infiltrating the evil, hidden underground base in Pyongyang in a Ferrari.

North Korea is not concerned however. After showing the world who’s boss, they said “no u”, pissed on some American money and washed their hands. Ever since revealing their brand new nuclear power plant, many fear North Korea is building even more weapons of mass destruction.  Sources say that all these activities from the North may be due to the instable political powers and that this unprovoked attack was the worst attack since the end of the Korean war.

It’s also at this moment in time when K-POP fans showed their incredible stupidity and tweeting such gems on Twitter as,
“#prayforkorea Hope #UKiss and #SS501 are safe.”
“#prayforkorea and heechul-oppar.”
“#prayforkorea so i can slep w/ kikwang.”
“#prayforkorea … nah, let’s BOMB FUCKING EVERYTHING.”
“#prayforkorea…. naaaah, #prayformydog instead.”
“Problem, South Korea? (p.s. not Kim Jong-il)”

We at Korean Beef are not idiots and we don’t want to join their ranks, so we’ll stop it there. All we can say is we hope the families and people involved are safe now and the injured are being treated. And no, North Korea really isn’t Best Korea. Also we hope we won’t be abducted in our sleep tonight for writing this.

In a sucker minute, SM Entertainment came out with a statement that Dong Bang Shin Ki are coming back in January 2011. Only they don’t have Jaejoong, Micky, and Xiah with them. Instead it’s just Yunho and Max.

They released on the homepage, “2011, TVXQ is returning to you all”, as though that they took a quick hiatus to gain some composure from getting their pants sued off by not just JYJ but Hangeng as well and after losing four million won in a failed attempt at a karaoke business.

Naturally, fans are shitting all over themselves (even after getting comfortable in their BEAST, F.Cuz, or even 2NE1 panties) about the news but as they scroll down further they realize something.

Hey, wait a minute. Only Yunho and Changmin are coming back? Granted, this is good news if you’re a washed up idol fan but fans have been chanting “Keep the faith, our five angels will settle their differences and grace us with our presence (all while throwing shit at their head)!” But of course, Cassies are stupid and they don’t know anything in regarding to ruthlessness of the entertainment industry.

SM Entertainment also released a statement saying:

“After the 3 TVXQ members left, for over a long year, both U-Know Yunho and Choi Kang Changmin have refrained from musical activities.

The two members as well as the company wanted to keep TVXQ alive, thinking about the never changing hearts of our loyal fans who have waited a long time.

As indicated by the ruling, all of TVXQ’s activities need to be done through SM, unfortunately, the three members that left have regretfully not responded to any of our offers for activities as TVXQ. After long and careful consideration, we made this decision.

For U-know Yunho and Choi Kang Changmin, who never left and kept their dreams as TVXQ, we have decided together with the two members to keep TVXQ alive.

No matter what happens, we believed that TVXQ should be continued for the love and trust of the fans who created TVXQ together with us.

We are not ruling out any possibilities in the future. Continuing TVXQ is the best way to repay the fans who love and waited for TVXQ.”

Because financing a goddamn Chinese perfume company against SM’s will is totally keeping the faith, right, Cassies? I don’t think Cassies realize that SM are just catering to their (blind) faith that JYJ will come back. They’ve already have success in Korea, (somewhat) in Japan, and in America. Why fix what’s not broken? Why stop them if it’s working?

Fans may call JYJ money grubbers and entitlement whores but what they don’t realize is that Lee Soo  Man and the other devious masterminds behind SME are already planning which trainees to debut under the second TVXQ name. This is certainly unprecedented but SM are willing to cash on TVXQ while Yunho and Changmin are still walking and somewhat breathing.

I mean, after all, they’ve got to make up their four million won and other fees brought on by the lawsuits. As usual, Korean Beef remains cynical – they’re not going to be the same ever again.

We’re positive that the next announcement in regards of TVXQ’s comeback will be the trainees who suspiciously looks and sounds like JYJ.

As everyone already knows, Koreans are known for their severe online gaming addiction. Idols such as Mithra Jin, Super Junior members Kyunhyun and Heechul – and I’m sure many others, are also part of this growing problem. Starcraft is especially popular for one reason or another but right after that it’s AION. But this post, strangely, is not about idols, companies, or their douchey fans.

Instead, this is actually about one Korean couple’s problem that’s spilling over into the United States. Korea’s just more known for their MMORPG but the United States are gaining notoriety and it’s starting to become a problem.

I blame Blizzard, mostly because they both own World of Warcraft and Starcraft (they need to join Scrabble sessions too).

Anyway, back in April, a couple in South Korea whose daughter has died because of malnutrition pleaded guilty because they preferred a virtual child on the 3-D fantasy MMORPG, Prius Online. Apparently, in this game, you can raise and nurture a virtual child who, as she grows, gains powers to defeat virtual monsters.

They would often put their real, breathing daughter to bed and leave to go PC Bang, a 24-hour Internet cafe, for ten hour sessions a day.

They did this every day since she was born in July till she died, in September. The baby was named Kim Sa-rang (which means “love” in Korean, although with the vast majority of songs going “SARANG GE”, I’m fairly confident Beefcakes didn’t need this told to them) and she was born prematurely and weighed, when she was born, 6.4 pounds.

When she died, she weighed 5.5 pounds. That’s quite a difference, if you ask me.

The parents were Kim Jae-beom, aged 40, and his common-law wife, Kim Yun-jeong, 25. They met and, much like a Korean drama, Jae-beom taught her the moves of a true gamer and Yun-jeong was entranced by his ability to raid a dungeon. In this union, they had Kim Sa-rang, but because they were more entranced by the fact that the child on Prius Online didn’t wake them in the middle of the night, it didn’t continuously cry, it didn’t need that much attention, and the two could turn it off whenever they wanted.

Naturally, they felt they regretted the fact they didn’t leave soup in the microwave for their baby daughter (most cynics would believe they were more upset about going to a place that didn’t have internet access) but apparently:

“When she cried, I cuddled her, but I noticed she was getting thinner,” the mother said, adding that she had not learned about baby care at the hospital nor had she read any books on the subject.

Which is complete bullshit. Since they had enough time to cater to a fucking virtual child, they couldn’t take the time to, you know, naver on how to take care of a fucking baby.

“I think of our baby in heaven,” the father responded when asked if he had anything to say. “I will be guilty until the day I die.”

Right, because now that everyone’s going, “Geez, you’re terrible parents,” no one would accept the both of you in your guilds, if they had the right mindset. Gamers tend to overlook little things like abandoning your child for a fucking virtual one for one reason or another.

Their lawyer even hoped the judge took the consideration that they were addicted to gaming. I don’t know. When you have drug addicts or alcoholics, most judges (even overseas) tend to be more harsh.

Well, unless you’re Cho Du-sun, then by all means, do whatever the fuck you want.

Some would argue that they’ll probably get off because apparently the power of alcohol inebriates everything in your body and the beer bottle is the one who’s pulling the strings – not your drunk ass self. Game addiction is apparently like alcohol but whatever.

This cynic is sad to say that Kim Sa-rang is probably one of the possibly many cases of child negligence because of online gaming. And she’ll probably never get true justice.